Any Father that tells you I'm lying just doesn't want to hurt your feelings, because he really did despise the last nine ties you purchased for him (I'm very sorry to have to be the one to break that news to you). However, every last one of us Culture Brats want you to succeed, so help is here and that help is me. Let's get on with it, shall we?
What your Dad wants in his heart of all hearts is a shower tiled with Star Wars characters and a hibachi on the back of the toilet and three hours of peace and quiet with which to enjoy them.
He knows, though, that this is cost prohibitive and also pretty improbable, so he would be utterly stoked to accept any of the following:
1)
Let's start with basics, so as not to throw you too far off your game. Yes, it's a necktie, but it is a way more boss tie than your Father has ever owned before: It's 100% silk and screen printed with a very detailed diagram of the Apollo cockpit lifted straight from the Apollo operations handbook.
2)
Your dad needs a blanky. Every Dad does, but he hesitates to say so. This blanky is a particularly awesome original design. It's Splityarn's 'Pixel Pusher' quilt and it's a completely hand-pieced 8-bit work of art.
3) Lots of Mothers have a Mother's Ring and that's a little bit unfair; Moms shouldn't get all the sweet, sweet jewelry. Up until now, though, there wasn't a real fly way for a Dad to sport his kids' names other than a tattoo... and let's face it, some guys are just needle-queasy and not down for that kind of thing. Enter the Father Cuff from Sophia Pip.
All the other Dads will sneer in envy if he gets to wrap this thing around his wrist.... and probably some of the Moms (me! me! me!), too.
4) This is the twenty-first century and your Dad has lots of technology and crap. This means he has the related detritus. Combine that with regular ole Dad detritus, and you might start to have a problem.
EXCEPT! The folks at Cocoon have invented the Grid-It!, which is basically a pocket protector for your car or suitcase or laptop bag. It comes in several sizes and colors. I gave a few of these away last Christmas and they went over very well.
5)
Why have a plain old Gin and Tonic when you could have the more exciting Gin and Titonic?
6) "DON'T PANIC" is not just the salutation emblazoned on the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, it's also every Dad's unspoken motto... and now it's a cool belt buckle made from upcycled license plates. If you don't buy this for your Father, then please buy it for me, thank you.
7) If your Dad doesn't have a mancave, you need to get on that: Carve out a portion of your home and make this happen. Mancaves need decor, son. Here are a few eensy suggestions for dressing Dad a testosteroney place all his own:
- Organization is key. Men need remotes, NEEEED them. The desktop dumpster is perfect for keeping them all rounded up.Designed and manufactured by Steelplant, each dumpster in the first series features one-of-a-kind graffiti art. They're also available in 'blanks' so that you can tag one up yourself.
- Real men shouldn't be expected to hang up their clothes in a certified man-cave, but they will need somewhere to hang up their manners, since part of dwelling in a man cave requires little etiquette.
- Also needed is some wall art with man-appeal.
Try a custom collector's plate,
a hand-pulled print,
an original painting,
or maybe a lovely embroidered sampler. - There are a multitude of electronic devices in any good mancave. Why should Dad be forced to use a regular old power strip? He needs Electro Man instead.
Don't forget: It's important to
Now that you've broken the bank buying Immensely Terrific Things for your Pops, you're probably needing a fetching way to present your gifts to him. That's where this tutorial for making gift bags from newspaper comes in handy.
Pretty nifty, huh?
.... and don't just give your Dad a present, kids. Be sure to tell him just how amazing he is and how glad you are to have him. STEVE HOLT!
