Daddy Geek Boy: Good, cause we wouldn't want PETMA protesting this video.
CroutonBoy: I see the ASPCA has extended its jurisdiction.
CroutonBoy: 14 seconds in and her voice is already making me wish they would gore her with their horns.
Daddy Geek Boy: Those unicorns look bored. Think to them Ke$ha sounds like an adult from a Peanuts cartoon?
Dufmanno: I'm not sure if it's just me but did she roll in mud before filming this?
The Weirdgirl: Dufmanno, I think those are freckles. Or acne. Either way, I can't shake the feeling that she should be in pigtails.
CroutonBoy: Why don't they ever have real bar food in these videos. Just once I want to see some hot chick smearing buffalo wing sauce on her dress.
Didactic Pirate: That's a tiny, tiny chip she's putting in her mouth. That's not going to impress anybody.
Daddy Geek Boy: Um Ke$ha, that kibble is for the unicorns.
The Weirdgirl: Did she just say "backdoor crack"? What kind of video is this?
Didactic Pirate: I said this last time we did a Ke$ha song: this sounds the same as every other Ke$ha song.
Chris: Poor unicorn.
CroutonBoy: Finally, the mashup of Tolkien and slutcore I've been dreaming of!
The Weirdgirl: Ah, a pony play/furry video. It's what all the kids are into.
Didactic Pirate: Yikes. Now she can say she knows what horse snot tastes like.
Didactic Pirate: Whoa! That's Dawson! Dude, you really gonna dog around behind Joey's back?
Dufmanno: James VanDer Beek employing the "gentle unicorn shove" to get to where he's going.
Dufmanno: That unicorn is having trouble drinking his champagne. Why is no one fetching him a straw?
CroutonBoy: Shouldn't he be drinking out of a trough or something? That champagne is one second away from being all over his hooves.
Chris: I want a pair of gun shoes.
The Weirdgirl: OMG, pistol pumps and chainmail gauntlets were so cocktail 2007.
Didactic Pirate: Does shy just slide her paychecks DIRECTLY to the guy who invented autotune? Cuz she should.
Chris: I've got to tell you -- unicorn parties look pretty boring. And their house band sucks!
Dufmanno: Van Der Beek whips out his black plastic pocket comb a la 1976.
Chris: Nice going, Fonzie!
CroutonBoy: If I were a director I would have called for a horse brush here, not a comb.
Dufmanno: Why does Kesha keep making a gun with her fingers? And again I'll say that she has mud splatters on her face.
A Vapid Blonde: I agree with Dufmanno. It's either mud or her tanning sprayer got all gooped up. She looks dirty and not in a good way.
CroutonBoy: And that, children, is how you capture the unicorn's soul.
Dufmanno: You know what? I thought I could be objective and just watch this without getting angry but I cannot. Bestiality? A unicorn with an eyepatch? KILL ME!
Daddy Geek Boy: I thought they said no mythological animals were harmed. But one had to make out with Ke$ha.
The Weirdgirl: Damn, Ke$ha! What do you do when you get near a carousel?
The Weirdgirl: Hey Van Der Beek, I just did made it with your ex.
A Vapid Blonde: I would never lick those fingers. She probably picked the unicorn's nose with them.
CroutonBoy: "I hate sleeves!"
Dufmanno: James! That is a perfectly good tuxedo and you ripped the arms RIGHT OFF!
Didactic Pirate: Sorry Van der Beek, if you're trying to bring the Smolder, I just don't think it's gonna happen for you.
A Vapid Blonde: Well that is a very dramatic way to take off your clothes. I'm going to try that tonight when I get home.
CroutonBoy: Wait, correction. That's Hulk Hogan's move.
A Vapid Blonde: Nice pelvic thrusts there, James Van Der Beek. I'm sorry but you forgot your white man's overbite.
CroutonBoy: All I hear listening to this song is European police sirens.
CroutonBoy: Really, James? A man-sierre? A bro?
CroutonBoy: Something tells me that was her facial expression throughout high school.
Dufmanno: I hate her. And I hate this video.
Dufmanno: Ke Dollar sign Uh. Thank you Van Der Beek for bringing me back from the brink.
The Weirdgirl: Munster? Then they've already resorted to cannibalism.
CroutonBoy: I swear that interchange was identical to my first conversation with my future wife, which coincidentally also happened at a unicorn party. Or was it a centaur party?
CroutonBoy: Oh snap! Gunfight at Rainbow Brite's kegger!
Didactic Pirate: I thought they were going to have an actual dance-off. But no: laser tag!
The Weirdgirl: Why aren't those unicorns stampeding all over Ke$ha's ass about now?
Didactic Pirate: Mass unicorn-icide! Nooooooooo!
Daddy Geek Boy: I never knew that rainbows killed unicorns. You learn something new every day.
Chris: Yeah, I always thought the only that could kill unicorns was turning eleven years old.
Dufmanno: I'm back in the dark place. Anything special that I've ever felt in my heart for unicorns rainbows or mythical creatures has been destroyed. Thanks you talentless hack.
CroutonBoy: Someone should tell the Irish Rovers that their song was inaccurate. It wasn't Noah and the flood... it was laser tag.
CroutonBoy: I wish James' agent had told him that this video was the last work he would get for his "acting." Next stop, Skating With the Stars.
A Vapid Blonde: Is it possible to hate unicorns because I am pretty sure that is how I feel about them now. I am driving straight to my parents house and trashing my entire unicorn collection. Which is vast.
CroutonBoy: Some film school sophomore got a C- on this assignment.
Didactic Pirate: Except for the song part, I officially love everything about this video.
