Warning: This episode is jumpy. It was all over the place and packed tighter with story lines than a sausage link. So you will have to forgive me if I too am all over the place, just like Alice's naughty girl bits.Moving on.
Those cheeky little Hellcats are at it again. Scampering around in extremely little sexy outfits trying to raise money for the squad. This time it's a calendar shoot with each and every one of our beloved little trollops either in a corseted get-up, sexy Santa outfit, or a slutty Supreme Court Justice robe. And yes, somehow Marti manages to make a Supreme Court Justice robe sexy, because she is Marti and she will save the world.
There was a little side story filler with Vanessa and Derrick and how she is getting cold feet and yadda, yadda, yadda. She ends up dancing with Red Raymond (ex-boyfriend) then kissing him as if he were a perfectly cooked steak and then crying about it afterwords because... well I'm not sure why but it probably had something to do with the fact the she is ENGAGED to Derrick.
Savannah gives her pregnant sister Charlotte The Harlot some prenatal vitamins and the What To Expect When You're Expecting book and Charlotte is all like "Dude, I can't keep these here. What if Mom finds out and couldn't you have gotten me something good like a shot or five of bourbon?" So Savannah takes them back with her to the bar where Wanda, who is planning the calendar launch party, finds the book, and by finds I mean she snoops through Savannah's bag and pulls it out and then squeezes the truth out of Savannah about who is pregnant. Savannah makes Wanda promise to keep it a secret and to that I say "FAT CHANCE".
Meanwhile in her attempt at saving the world, Marti, along with Morgan and the law professor, Julian, start to connect the dots with Travis, the wrongly convicted convict, and it all comes back to Bill Marsh. During this little meeting, Marti mumbles something about Julian having a southern silver tongue or something and I am thinking she may turn into the naughty school girl yet.
Meanwhile back in the dorms, Alice and Jake start filming their Internet porn movie.. Just kidding. They share what seems to be a moment of truth and honesty about the "incident" that Bill Marsh has on DVD involving Jakey and that's when they get down to business.
Now this is the point in the show that if you haven't been watching and by you I mean YOU, all you die hard Ashely Tisdale fans out there, you should be fast forwarding your DVR to this part because it's the Sexy Savannah Hour, or minute, you get the picture. The Hellcats are having their fundraiser calendar launch party and Savannah is part of the main act. Wearing a red satin corset, knee highs (I think) and some not-quite-stripper-type platform shoes when she comes out on stage. What she did wasn't quite singing, it's like she was seducing the microphone with words like kiss *kisses air* and twist and kiss kiss *kisses air twice* and twist. I have no idea what it meant but the microphone loved every minute of it and so will you. And just when we are about to get all down with Savannah, a fire-breathing dragon comes seething into the bar, takes one look at Savannah and lets out a giant flaming growl and everyone spontaneously combusts. Or it may have just been Savannah's mother. Savannah decides that maybe the bar is not the place to tell her mom about Charlotte the Harlot's pregnancy and invites her back to Cheer Town for tea, because tea has been the age old remedy for letting all the family skeletons out, or in this case, slutty younger sisters. It doesn't go well. In fact, Savannah's mother storms out with flames shooting out of her nostrils and calls her a cheap whore. GASP. In a fit of rage, Savannah takes out her emotion on an innocent bowl of vegetables that goes flying across the room.
Back at the party, Marti is convinced by Morgan to go break into Bill Marsh's office to find information on their case and once inside she is startled to find Alice, who is trying to find the DVD of Jakey. After what seems like an hour, they manage to find the code for the safe, steal everything in it, replace it with some Limburger cheese because that is what adults do, and escape unnoticed. Now here is another part that you really want to be watching because... girl on girl cat fight coming up!
Alice and Marti go through the loot and discover a DVD, pop it into a computer, and what do they find? Jakey robbed the pharmacy, pulling the whole thing together. But who gets to keep the DVD? Marti, who will save the world with it, or Alice, who will probably use it to blackmail Jakey and Bill Marsh? Whoever pulls the other's hair the hardest, and when I say pulls hardest I really mean that, wins the DVD. Marti wins and runs away, knocking down garbage cans and throwing chairs in her wake to trip up Alice. Only Alice isn't following after her. She goes to Jake, tells him that Marti figured it out and leaves when she realizes that Jake is fine with an innocent man being in jail if it means he gets to stay out. Somewhere in Alice's cold black heart there is a smoldering ember of warmth.
Charlotte the Harlot shows up at Cheer Town to find refuge from Mother Dragon where Savannah promptly throws them both directly back in her path and they confront the family. There is a lot of screaming, tears and snot flowing, until Savannah tells them all to shut the hell up and move on. And they do. Just like that, they have a big family hug and vow to bring the baby into the world in love and peace and not full of fire breathing venom. Aw, I had to wipe a tear away.
Lastly, we end this episode with a bit of a cliffhanger as Marti is being chased by two thugs because she has the all-incriminating, wrongly-convicted-convict-freeing golden ticket DVD in her backpack, which we only have Alice to blame for, since she basically threw Marti under the bus by telling Jakey all about it. Thanks Alice, now who is going to save all of humanity and put an end to world hunger?
