I know each and everyone of you have been holding your breath for my weekly Hellcats recap that I never posted last week so I must apologize because you've probably passed out by now. That or you have gone elsewhere to get your weekly dose of sexy cheer time. Quite frankly, I don't blame you. I blame me. Last week, my DVR went on strike and never recorded it and this week I made sure to record it only to discover that the CW aired episode one. ONE! I am very angry right now. So this week you get last week's recap and next week you will get this week's. Right? If you think you're confused, you should be me trying to sort that out in my brain.So last week was all about personal integrity on Hellcats: Ragged Old Flag.
Alice always seems to be the problem. The volleyball team tries to topple her from the top of a pyramid by chucking the ball at her head but because she's a roided-up athlete, she dodges that ball with superhero-like stealth. Which almost results in a hair-pulling catfight between the Volleyball Amazons and Hellcat Kitties with a flag football challenge to decide if the Hellcats are actually mice or men. Little do the Hellcats know that the VB Amazons are the champions of intramural flag football league. [Cue sad horn music]
So the episode goes on, Lewis "Does this look crooked?" Flynn realizes his dad is actually crooked and has been accepting hush money from the Lancer University athletic department. Vanessa does a little dance and by little I mean a really awkward dance that Red watches from a creepy distance and Marti bails on the Hellcats vs. Amazons because she has to go be a law student instead of the flag football star receiver. The nerve!
So back to the very important matter of the flag football challenge. Alice decides that the Hellcats need an angle to win the game since Marti is now *too sick* to be that star receiver so she pays a visit to her boyfriend who happens to be coaching the VB Amazons team in this flag football challenge. I am just not sure if Alice ends up being the QB, the wide end, or the star receiver. I am pretty sure she does all three to gain access to all of his plays. Which the Hellcats never use because Lewis "Does this look crooked?" Flynn is over the crooked life and refuses. He does his best to guide the girls through a rainy, awful massacre of a flag football game. But then out of the mist with bagpipes playing in the background, Savannah looks over and sees Marti, the saviour of mankind emerging with a determination that can only be rivaled by Mel Gibson in Braveheart.
And in just a few short moments Marti saves the day. Yet again. They score, and score and score once more. The rain stops. The clouds part. Rays of sunshine bathe the Hellcats in all their winning glory. The volleyball team cheers them on at the bar in their panties and then like all tragedies, the guillotine falls and Coach Vanessa informs them, mid-celebratory shot I must add, that their bid video did not make the cut by one spot. With the pathetic cheering in the background from the VB Amazons in panties the camera lingers on the sad faces of Marti, Lewis, Savannah, and Alice and we are left to wring our hands in complete worry until next week when we get to find out the fate of the Lancer Hellcats.
